Time for another update...

10th June 2020

Last week I got physically sick, and the best anybody could tell me was that stress caused it. I live a sheltered life. I don't fear losing my job (thanks sanlamindie.co.za for that). I don't have crushing debt or sick parents. I have enough food to eat.

Yet, I am super stressed. I wonder what will happen when the country I live in forces the poorest and most vulnerable people back into overcrowded taxies and overcrowded trains.

Many black and brown people, with poor access to healthcare and sanitation – whose employers have to be encouraged to give them paid time off, because it's not an enforced requirement – will get sick and die.

This same systemic oppression is clearly seen and felt across the sea, with the biggest protests the world has ever seen are being met with open, unambiguous violence and hatred.

If you're the kind of person who just started thinking; "but the looting and..." then keep your mouth shut. I will not waste time babysitting your inner child. Black bodies are being killed. Black bodies are being looted. This has been going on for a very long time. Shut what I can only imagine to be your comfortable white mouth. Call me a racist for making you uncomfortable, and let's never speak again.

I am seriously stressed by fear of the unknown, and the known horror.

So, I got sick and it made me need to consider how I will cope after the anti-psychotic pills run out. How can I function when the world is on fire?

I am going to make two lists. These lists represent what I have time to work on – what I want to work on – and what I don't have time to work on.

If the thing you feel passionate about falls in the latter list, then...sorry. I don't want to disappoint you, but I have other people that depend on me and I don't want to disappoint them either.

Things I have time for:

Things I don't have time for:

If your thing was in the first list, that doesn't mean it's going to get a huge amount of time. The only way I could add that many things to the list was to realise that some things will only get an hour a week. I still need to work out the finer details.

If you've read this far, it's because you care about what's going on with me; or you once came to this blog to learn something. Thank you. This is a turning-point, for me. I can feel it.

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